Orkut Rants

WARNING: Please read this for a heads-up on how Orkut can make your life miserable. No, not yours in particular, but of someone in the whole wide world. Privacy is so fickle, you see, especially these days when it is so easy to slander somebody, and where information can be had at the flick of the mouse. Sad.

=============

Recently there have been a spate of messages on Orkut about a certain creepy mind reader that lets you see the name of your crush(es) on screen. But even after sending that message to everyone, and pressing F8, nothing happened on my screen… Yes, I know it’s very frustrating… I mean I was all high and excited, horny even! What a disappointment!

But then, it’s me, and I work tech, so I decided to get to the bottom of this, and fix the broken creepy mind reader. And being the generous philantrophist that I am, I am going to share with you the secret of how to actually see if anyone has added you to their crush list… So buckle up, here goes(*):

  1. Login to Orkut if you haven’t already done so.
  2. Go to your friends list.
  3. Click on every friend you have on your list (most people prefer only the opposite sex, but if you are one of those who prefer same sex, or are so desperate that you want to maximise your target pool, you are going to have to click on every friend!)
  4. That will take you to their profile.
  5. Now click on “Add to Crush List” on each of the friend’s profile.
  6. Repeat as many times as desired.
  7. All done!

So, now if anybody on your list adds you as a crush, Orkut will work it’s wonders, and send you an email! Ain’t that awesome! You get to know anyone who adds you to your crush list! In fact, you can actually add all 25,377,673 people on Orkut to your crush list… Someone is bound to like you, or else, you really need to get to a psychiatrist pronto due to the extreme depression likely to set in after you do that, and of course, to a physiologist also, for the carpel tunnel syndrome that you will inflict upon yourself by clicking so many times. Of course, the smarter people will write a script in LISP, but those will find their crushes outside of Orkut anyway!

Haan, now comes the more difficult part: What to do if you get many crush emails?

  1. You can choose! Take the best among them, and tell the other ones that your crush for them was a long time ago, and you do not think of them like that anymore!
  2. Try menaje-a-trio or quatre or just keep going higher!
  3. Send the ones you don’t want to the less fortunate ones who don’t have a crush, or don’t have access to Orkut. Be the match-maker.

Ideas and suggestions welcome to improve the quality of this method.

——– Fine Print ———–

(*) Please note that this method is currently in Beta. I do not assume any responsibilty for any personal damage consequental or inconsequental arising out of the use of this method. Plus, if you do hook up or something, practice safe sex. STDs are rampant, use a condom! 😛

If you would like to send me gifts, money or any other form of retribution for this amazing fix for the creepy mind reader, I’m available on Orkut, MSN, Yahoo!, Skype, and just about every place you can think of. Though personally, I’d prefer cash! As an added benefit, you get mentioned at the end of this page!

Au revior! J’aime tout le monde! 😉

Special Thanks to Swapneel Sheth for corrections to my French and some ideas!

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Orkut Rants

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s