A Lot Of Thinking…

“I’m getting married next week!” she said.

And his world came crashing down. Life would never be the same again!

But he would obviously put up a brave face. After all, it had entirely been his fault. He had started off the relationship with the premise that it was to be only a fling, and nothing more. It would have no seriousness, and while it may have all the emotions of a conventional relationship, it would never progress to a level where it becomes difficult to live life normally.

Clearly, he had not stuck to his end of the deal – he had fallen in love. Or so it would seem to an external observer, in such a scenario. Because, while he was indeed hurt by the declaration, it was not so much because he was in love with her; he was in fact in love with no one but himself. It was more becuase she represented a lot more to him than what she should have represented.

She was an epitome of life passing by, of things changing, and of people taking stock of their lives and moving on. And while he understood, nay, he made himself believe that everything is alright and that he’d also get to that stage of life soon, his mind would not let him accept that.

They were friends, that changed into a mild relationship that fizzled out soon primarily because he was not ready, and she felt left high and dry. They came together again, only to decide that this time, it would not be emotional. Fair enough; they went from friends to friends with benefits. But it would be unfair to say that their relationship was purely physical, because they spend a fair bit of time just talking to each other, about life, principles and perspectives.

So when she declared that she had finally found the person of her dreams, of her choice, someone with whom she was willling to spend her life with, he went through a range of emotions, including disbelief, reluctant acceptance, self deprecation, and finally fact finding.

What was it exactly that bothered him more? The fact that she was getting married, or the fact that he wasn’t? He’d agree to the later – simply because he didn’t particularly care about her, or for that matter any other person. Then what aspect of him not being married bothered him? Ah, now this would be a tough one to answer, because he wasn’t too sure; in some senses, he was too afraid of what would the answer turn out to be!

But he knew it all too well – the physical is but just a perk. It was the emotional, and the ego. Someone to call his own, someone to start a family with, someone to show off, someone to talk to when the going gets tough, and someone to share the good things in life with!

The natural and logical progression of thought would be – if he cared so deeply about these things, and if he was capable of thought, why was he denying himself a proper relationship, something he could have had any time he wanted, with some exceptional partners, if not anyone of his liking. And this he wanted answers to, but didn’t have. At least not yet.

He had a lot of thinking to do.

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